Jn Renold died Wednesday afternoon. He was sitting up and walking on Tuesday. Starting going down hill during the night. We put an IV in in the morning and he was in a state of dying for several hours. It was sad. I wanted him to live, I wanted to make him better, I wanted him to feel more love, I wanted him to feel healthy, I wanted to see him running around like the other kids, I wanted more for his little life. A child that no family wanted, his mother was dead, his dad I never knew, just his step-mom who did not want him. The morning he died was a normal morning for me. I was trying so hard to get school done for the boys before lunch. They came up and got me two times to tell me he was getting worse. I went down and rubbed his head for awhile. He was dying and I knew it. There was not much that I could do. I then returned to finish school. Again they came and said the end was near. I made a difficult decision to stay and finish school with the boys.
They came about 15 minutes later and told me that he had died. I felt down and discouraged. I went down to the clinic. There were many patients waiting to be seen. Several were asking the workers about the child that had died. Many were upset that such a small child had died. Jeanne and I went in to bath the body. How can a 3 year old only weigh 14 pounds. That is not right, that is not normal, that is not fair. His little bones were sticking out, he was starving, they waiting to long to bring him, he had been staving for a long time.
When I wrapped his dead body in a white drap, I was sad. I wanted him to feel loved and wanted by someone.
The casket came and again a new group of patients came in through the clinic. A few were talking about the small casket leaving. The man that dug the grave put the small casket on his head and walked down the road to the grave yard. Someone out front said “Bondye ap fe travay li” translated “God is doing His work. And it hit me…yes He was. He was doing His work. Why worry about it He is taking care of it. He is in charge. Do you believe that? I do………. I do not believe that God sent Jn Ronald to suffer, starve to death, and be unwanted and unloved. But I do believe that He loved HIm and thought enough is enough lets just bring him on up here with us. I believe my mom was there welcoming him in to heaven showing him around and loving on him…loving him like he needed to be loved here on earth.
Living is death; dying is life. On this side of the grave we are exiles, on that, citizens; on this side, orphans, on that, children; on this side, captives; on that, freemen; on this side, disguised, unknown; on that, disclosed and proclaimed as the sons of God. –Henry Ward Beecher
Psalm 138:7-8 (NIV)
7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,
with your right hand you save me.
8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands