Lavi toujou pa fasil…

This is Giliane in Jan of 2006.  She was 17 months old and weighed 11 pounds.  Her mother died a few months after she was born during a raining season when there was flooding.  She is the only child for the mother and the father.  Due to a severe illness (TB) and a fractured leg she stayed in the RC until Nov 2008.  At that time she weighed 25 pounds. 

gilane

Here she is a few months before she returned home last year.  Her dad did not come often to visit her.  Maybe once every six months or so.  Several  times, when he came, he told me that he wanted me to take her.  He wanted to put her up for adoption.  He did not want to, and could not take care of her.  I spent lots of time talking to him.  This is his only child.  His first and maybe only child.  We decided that adoption was not the best option for her.  She needed to stay with her papa.  They needed each other.  Right?  They needed to grow together, bond together and have their life together.  He agreed and was happy to take her home last November.

Giliane-33

Fast forward to this week.  I saw the father in the yard.  I was happy to see him and asked how Giliane was doing.  He said “she is here”  I said “Oh I would love to see her”  He said “there she is over there laying on the towel”  I looked over to see a child laying on a towel that was laying on the gravel in the clinic yard.  All the blood drained from my face.  No, that could not be her.  I went over to her, she was swollen from head to toe.  Very bad kwashiorkor.  Very bad. Her legs were split open in a few places.  I looked at her face.  NO that could not be her?  It must not be her.  But it was.  I called a few of the nannies.  We were all shocked.  How could this happen in just a short time like this?  I ask the dad how  he said” you know when you give someone money to take care of your child, they take the money and buy food, when you are in front of them they feed your child and bathe them and make their hair nice.  But when you are gone, the scent of the food travels to their nose.  When the scent gets in their nose they eat all the food and forget that you gave them money to buy food for her”.    Translation:  I gave her to my sister to raise and she did a bad job and ate all the food.  She is swollen with fluids and has lost weights since November.

July 02 2009 a 005

Since she arrived this past week she has got worse.  She will not eat anything and only drinks a little.  She screams and cries, she is in pain.  This afternoon we tried to get her to eat some of the medika mamba.  I tried and tried and she spit it all over me and refused to take any of it.  Why?  The nannies and I were talking about her.  Some think she will not make it, some think she has a chance.  When a child is admitted they have to fill out a paper.  They asked him how long she has been swollen with kwashiorkor.  He said a long time.  They asked him why he did not bring her sooner.  He said her sickness was a curse. So he was going to the vo–do– doctor to get the curse removed.  When he spend all his money there he decided he would bring her back to us. July 05 2009 a 001

As she lays tonight on her bed.  I wonder about many things and I get depressed.  I think— All the time, food and resources spend for almost 3 years.  Adoption.  Suffering.  Not fair.  The dumb devil.  What a bad and painful thing kwashiorkor is.  Maybe I should send her to another hospital?  General Hospital – saw them on TV last night, they have been on strike for several weeks, why?  the workers have not been paid for 9 months.  Trash all up and down the hallways and all in front of the hospital.  A good pediatric hospital?  The good one I know does not take kids from orphanges or from missionaries?  Why?  The  hospital is a charity hospital–we (missionaries)  should have money to go to a private doctor.  Go to a private doctor?  He will tell me she needs food and meds will not help.  What would you do?  AHH  and the question of what do I do to to ensure that the kids do not get malnourised again when they return home.   I give them education, a little food, and an apointment to return every two weeks for several months.  IF they return and they are not doing well we come up with a plan.  We cannot do everything.  It is not right to do everything, at some point the parents have to make the choice that they want thier child to live.  Right?  So tonight I feel like a failure.  A BIG failure.  Pack up and leave?  Tomorrow is a new day?  Yes, tomorrow is  a new day.  I am a lifer here.  So I guess I cannot leave.  So I will hold her and love her.  No matter, what if she lives or dies.  I will pray for her.  I will pray for her suffering to stop.  Either way to stop here or up there.

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16 Responses to Lavi toujou pa fasil…

  1. Bekki says:

    Crying with you and praying for you – my heart aches for you – for Giliane – for her papa and all the parents and kids in similar situations. My anger is hard in my heart – how Satan must rejoice over seeing his efforts succeeding. May the Lord God be with Giliane and renew her to life through your efforts. God be with you, dear Licia.

  2. Jodi Severe says:

    Life makes no sense some days…most days even. And on those days it seems all we can do is be Jesus with skin on to whoever He brings into our path. So while holding and loving on sweet Giliane may seem that it is not quite enough, it may be the exact reason she was brought to you…to be loved, be it back to health or to pass her on to Jesus. Though I do not know you…praying and crying with you, for you, and especially for sweet Giliane.

  3. dawnz says:

    Oh Licia….

    Praying….

  4. elizabeth says:

    oh sweet Jesus, be with this baby. thank you for loving her in ways we will never know or understand as the fallen people we are. oh Lord Jesus watch over her and feed her to the depths of her soul as only You can. thank you Lord for those like Licia who are your hands and feet and the arms you wrap around this child; thank you for Licia who is the voice for this child and for so many.

  5. Phoebe says:

    God’s grace go out to you! Oh, how hard. Praying for you and little Giliane, that God would give her a hope and a future.

  6. Audrey Ann says:

    I love you, Licia. I am praying with a sad heart, and I am sorry.

  7. Lisa says:

    My heart goes out to you and to this little girl,I know that you feel like you are stuck and not sure what to do but just pray to God and he will decide (I know he allready knows what is going to happen),you are so precious to those people in Haiti and I can’t imagine seeing what you are seeing on a daily basis but God will provide and if this child does not make it then she will be in Heaven and what is better than that? I know that is the best place for her.As I’ve been to Haiti it gets harder and hurts so much but I don’t want anyone to die especially a child,but to know that child is in Gods hands makes me feel better than here on earth sick and starving with no love..God is good,it’s the evilness of this world that make it bad..I am praying for you and your family…Also tell your sister that I am working on her list for the clinic and have some great things to bring to you and her in December….

  8. Jenna Shelton says:

    Licia,
    I know these situations have to be some of the ones you hate the most–seeing a child improve so dramatically and then decline again when they are back with family. My heart aches for this child and for you and what you are doing for the people of Haiti. Know that you are so very loved by God and by so many people. My prayers go out to you.
    May He pour down blessing upon you today!
    Jenna

  9. Kristy says:

    Oh my heart is broken for her and for you. We are praying. You are not a failure. That is a lie from satan. You are a child of God and HE looks at you with such love and compassion. Never forget that……you are so special to Him.

    Many blessings,
    Kristy

  10. Stephanie says:

    I don’t even know what to say … my hearts breaks for you and for this precious little girl!

  11. Tara says:

    no words … only tears and understanding. we love you.

  12. Roberta says:

    Crying and praying… 😦

  13. Audrey Ann says:

    You are not a failure, Licia. My mom and I are praying.

  14. teresa fisher says:

    Licia, You are HIS beloved….his own flesh and blood….you are not a failure. Go in peace tonight. Tomorrow is a NEW day.

  15. Elicia says:

    Licia,
    Praying for you and this sweet child.
    Thank you for being there for her and all the other children.
    Don’t even know what else to say………
    Wish I could hug you.

  16. Kayla says:

    Just wanted to remind you that this little girl is a child of an almighty Father who has never left her side for even one moment of her little life. He has been there every step of the way and while He of course doesn’t want suffering and pain, He does know how even this crummy situation while inherently evil can be used for good. (Think Joseph and his brothers after being reunited in Egypt. Those are Joseph’s words, “What you intended for evil, God intended for good.”) Remember also that while sometimes it feels like we are responsible for so much (and we are called to be good stewards of our time, money, wisdom, etc.), we are still not God. We do the best we can with what we have and know and then faithfully believe that God will work His plan out regardless of any missteps we or others might make. In our weakness, He is made strong. When we feel totally insufficient, He shines even more brightly. Stories like this break my heart. People trying to do the right thing and serve God. Innocent kids who have no control over anything being hurt. Adults who you think should know better not knowing better. (Or knowing better and not caring.) And Satan delighting in the emotional and physical pain it causes. But God is bigger. This God of ours whose love is perfect always hopes, always protects, always perseveres. Believing that for you today…

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