Do you just ever had one of those day where you think, Hey God are you sure you got that one right? My four boys that I had so much hope in and faith that they would all make it. The four that have touched so many people and made us believe that things do go right and good things happen. Well Gilderson is gone. He died last week. Why he died I will never know. Why he lived and began to get better and then die I will not know. Why he suffered so much I will never know. He went into town to have a doctor look at his knee that was giving him some problems. The hospital admitted him not for the knee but for a 104+ fever. He left here fine that morning. In less than four hours he was near death. The hospital kept him over night and put him on IV fluids. The lady that I sent to stay with him kept trying to wake the nurses up during the night. They were all sleeping. His IV stopped dripping. When the doctor arrived the next morning he removed the IV and told them to get our of the hospital. He was in a coma by then and not responding to anything. The lady returned to Cazale with Gilderson. Gilderson’s body was still breathing but he was gone. His fever was 104+ still. He was have severe diar and was not responsive to anything. Lori tried for over an hour to start an IV. He was having seizures. He died a few hours later. What he died of we will never know. Why the hospital kicked them to the curb with a dying child we will never know.
I wrote several people who I knew really loved this little guy and let them know about his death. I told Lori I was not planning to take anymore picture of the boys. Just let it go. People just need to go on with there lives and not have to deal with the hardships of life that we have here in Haiti. Right? Many days I have become so numb to what happens. A child dies this minute and there are many other fighting on beds right next to them for life. There is no time for me to mourn, just no time. Is that normal? No of course not! But if I sit to long and think about it I will miss the chance at another one waiting for an IV, a feeding tube, or a simple hug, or a smile to get them through. We must press forward, it is the only way.
So this week I went over to the RC to get a picture of one of the boys. He had graduated from the medika mamba program and I was needing to get a graduation picture of him. When I went over I sat in the middle of the floor to get his picture. Several of the older kids came over and were hanging on me and asking for kisses and hugs. My attention was directed to them. When I turned around to get the picture of the one child the ladies had all thee boys sitting there for there weekly picture. I looked at them and two of them were laughing and playing. I began to cry. I do not cry often really I don’t but I cried for little Gilderson that day. I cried when the other ones were laughing. I cried for all the kids that do not make it. The nannies were crying as well. We all had an understanding that this is life. We cannot and will not understand why these things happen. We have to just go on and accept it. Move forward and trust God that he is in control. That he loved Gilderson just as much as he loves us and that it is okay. We love God and we will choice to trust in Him. After that I was happy I laughed with the boys and thanked God. I thanked Him for allowing me the opportunity to do what I do. To sit in the middle of the hot RC and have 20 kids jumping all around you begging for a little love from you. I thanked him for the ones that live and the ones that don’t. I thanked him for the nannies that love the kids like their own. I thanked him for the beds we have to lay the kids in. I thanked Him for the sheets to cover the kids with. I thanked him for all the blessings that we get. I thanked Him for all of it. The good days, the bad days, the blessed days, the hard days, the days that last 12, 14, 16 many hours long of work, and the days I get to sleep in for a few hours. All of it. Because you see without Him where would we be? What could we do that would have lasting eternal value? So we don’t really have a choice but to trust in Him and give it all to Him each and everyday.
I look at these little boys, Dieuvlet, Peterly and Jonny and see a future for their lives. A few months ago they were little boys that were just skin and bones. They began to eat the medika mamba and drink their infant formula and their little stick bodies began to change. They began to grow and they began to recover from their months of starving. They are full of life now. They are normal little boys that sit and play. What the future holds for them…only God knows. But today I am going to believe that He has great things planned for them. Will you belive with me that He does? Will you thank God today for all that he has done for you? Will you thank Him that you have running water and do not have to walk miles to a water source? Will you thank him that you have a car and do not have to carry a load of produce on your head up a mountain to get home? Will you thank Him that you have food to feed your kids and food for you to eat? Will you thank him please, because He has done so much for all of us and we should thank Him for it. So today I leave you a picture of the three remaining boys. Hoping so much for their future and believing that God is God and thats enough for me.
Psalm 25:4-6 (New King James Version)
4 Show me Your ways, O LORD;
Teach me Your paths.
5 Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
On You I wait all the day.
6 Remember, O LORD, Your tender mercies and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they are from of old.